was my vanity inevitable
As I shave my toes and search my face for any wrinkles that could use extra moisturizer, I wonder how far from nature I’ve strayed. Were we really meant to spend so much time consumed with thoughts of how we look? Was there ever a chance of avoiding the connection between our place in society and our physical appearance?
Throughout human history there’s always been a correlation between looks and value, although the standards differ with time and space. The way we present ourselves sends a message, but what we mean to say doesn’t always seem to be up to us. The impressions we make happen in an instant and are based on preconceived notions that have seeped in and taken control of our subconscious. Whether or not we truly care about someone’s physical appearance, it’s saying something to us.
An example of female worth being linked to appearance that remains in the forefront of my mind is thinness in the work place and its effect on salary. How are women supposed to cope with the ever-present demand to perform? With things like the weight-wage penalty, caring about your looks stops being vain and becomes an economic necessity. And that’s where the uphill battle continues. Capitalists have used our psychology against us, and now here we are, paying more for razors that are pink.
How do we move forward in this harsh reality? Individual progress is seemingly meaningless in the face of societal pressures and norms. Sure I can stop shaving my armpits and cancel my gym membership, but where does that leave my career prospects? And how will I gage my own worth? It’s just like Mitski said “but if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn’t know how to be alive”. What would I be, completely separated from my looks? Would I be able to recognize my own soul, or am I shaped by my physical form? When I look in the mirror I’m not happy, but I know it could be worse.
Was there ever any hope for me? Did I ever have a chance to live blissfully ignorant to the way people perceive me? Would I have ever been able to avoid counting calories and checking the sugar content per liter? I think the answer is no. Humans are too visual and too cruel of creatures to ignore what’s right in front of us. The answer has to be no. How could I ignore the lingering eyes and the opened doors I receive from being born a pretty girl. How could I ignore the shock in men’s voices when they tell me what I just said was interesting. How could I ignore the tags that say one size fits all. How can anyone?
When all the thinking stops I know the only real solution is to go back in time and stop humans from farming.